My life as a traveler...

I am currently in California. We’re heading to Reno, Nevada tomorrow. Will hopefully update more there.

In Surrey, BC

I’ve arrived in British Columbia. The West Jet check-in counter at Pearson was insanely busy. If we showed up half an hour later there could have been a possibility of missing our flight. By the time we checked in, got the dog taken care of, cleared security and managed to make it to Starbucks (thank goodness it was open), our flight was boarding and a few minutes later took off. The flight was decent and the landing was spectacular. The plane was busy so Christopher and I ended up having the middle and isle seat but about half way through the flight the lady at the window switched us seats so Christopher could lean up against the window, and I could lean up against him and sleep. It was nice. Christopher switched me seats for landing. It was amazing coming in over the ocean, seeing the mountains in the near distance. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

So now, we’re in Surrey at a Super 8 Motel, going to check out in an hour and head over to IHOP for breakfast. We’re suppose to meet up with one of Christopher’s friends later in the day which is why we’re in Surrey but I am not exactly sure what is happening with that.

We still don’t have any set plans for while we’re here but we do know we want to travel to Victoria and to Seattle. I am super excited to take the ferry. I guess I should know more later today.

I’ll blog again when I have internet access.

Four hours until take off!

It’s just after 3:00 a.m. I am definitely exhausted but have no time to sleep. I guess technically I could crash for about an hour but there is really no point.

I’m hoping Pearson has a Tim Hortons or Starbucks open in terminal 3 pretty early in the morning. I will be arriving just after 5:00 a.m. so I highly doubt it but I will attempt to be optimistic. Christopher and I were going to make a quick Tim’s run before calling a cab but he unfortunately lost his parking lot key so we can’t get the van in or out.

I’m awfully excited for this trip. Only hours away!

I gave Christopher his Valentine’s Day present already. I’m not sure if he liked it or not. He didn’t come over and hug and kiss me like he normally does… It wasn’t anything big, just a few books and a box of his favorite chocolates… I spent around $300 for Christmas so I figured I would spend under $100 for Valentine’s Day; especially with the trip and all.

I haven’t gotten anything yet, but that’s okay! Maybe later or maybe next year… who knows? ;) I suppose it's a present enough to be going away with my lovely.

YAY!! I’m leaving on a jet plane… ;) unfortunately I do know when I will be back again… on the 26th of course!

I’ll try to blog while I am in Vancouver.

Oh and, I am happy to report, I finished my essay and submitted it! And a week early to boot! I am proud.

I’m eagerly awaiting tomorrow morning!

I am heading off to the west coast tomorrow. I am absolutely excited for this trip. At first, I didn’t think it was really important, I’ve been to BC, it’s fantastic but I wanted a relaxing vacation, not a fast paced one… but now, I’ve been in contact with a few friends that I haven’t seen in years that live out there and I’ll hopefully be meeting up with them. I believe Christopher is excited as well and what a perfect way to celebrate our very first Valentine’s Day together? Our flight leaves at 7:00 a.m. which means I will be leaving for the airport around 4:30 a.m.

I still haven’t written my Geopolitics essay, finished my second draft of my magazine article, begun my contents page design, or well, anything else for that matter.

I cancelled my appointment with my treatment team today so I can finish up my homework and do laundry and pack. But first things first, I need Starbucks.

Christopher should be here before 7:00 p.m. tonight. Yay!!

Everything's an Adventure in the Vanagon

Last night was an adventure. Christopher and I left London after 11:00 p.m. and it was bloody cold. His van’s heat has trouble keeping up with the cold so usually you end up freezing. He normally carries a propane heater which helps a lot but of course, of the coldest day of the year, we ran out of propane cylinders for it. And, at 11:00 p.m. on a Sunday, nothing was open. We drove to truck stops along the 401 but no one carried them. Christopher called Husky before we left and they insisted they had them, when we got there we learned they meant the big propane cylinders for BBQ’s and not the little camping stove ones. Lovely. Anyhow, we trekked on… ended up getting warm food from a truck stop and ate it along the way. Christopher had an electric blanket that we plugged into the cigarette lighter so we spread that over us and to my surprise it actually kept us fairly warm. If only he had his full bench installed, we would have kept warmer. But, despite it being -30 degrees, we made it home in one piece, and not so frozen.

Unproductive Day

Okay so it is 4:00 p.m. on Sunday, the day I wished to complete plenty of assignments and I only rolled out of bed twice before 3:00 p.m. and that was to take the puppy out for a walk. To my surprise, the weather was awful, it’s -27 degrees in the wind-chill and the wind is blowing snow fiercely.

There are a few PhD students in the office today so I am trying to keep out of their way. UCC’s Tim Horton’s lineup wasn’t quite 20 minutes but pretty close to it.

I just spoke to Sue on Yahoo Messenger briefly. I told her I am headed out her way (she lives in Nanaimo) and would love to meet up with her for coffee. She sounds pretty excited. I haven’t seen her since we broke up (we dated for quite awhile when I was 16ish and actually she was my first love, total heart breaker she was hehe) so it will be great to see her after all these years.

It’s weird talking about that part of my life. I’d love to share some details about it but I don’t think now is the time.

I had a pretty serious panic attack last night around 3:30 a.m. I almost didn't know what it was because my chest was in so much pain and it felt like my airways were closing. Crying helped it and eventually it passed so I figured it was a stronger-than-usual panic attack. I woke up this morning feeling really anxious; Christopher says I get that way when he's leaving and I admit, I do, but not normally if he is only gone for a couple of hours... My doctor said my meds should level my anxiety level out over time... but it seems to be doing the opposite right now.

I should probably start working. I’m supposed to be heading back to Toronto tonight but I don’t know if we are actually going to or not. I have class tomorrow... :(

Can it be vacation now - please?

Christopher still isn’t back yet. I’ve taken the pup out a few times. His energy level seems back up to speed which is fantastic. We went for a run down at the soccer field. How many dog owners can tell their dog to “sit and stay” and then run across to the other side of the field and they are still seated exactly where you told them to? Not many! Anyway, that is what we did, so Kelevra (and I for that matter) was able to get plenty of exercise today. It was pretty cold so unfortunately we were never out for very long, probably half hour spurts throughout the day. He’s also been drinking lots of water, thankfully.

I’m done homeworking for today. There is only so much one can do in a day before their brain shuts off and I must say that with only four hours of sleep under my belt I got quite a bit accomplished! I am happy to report I finished an essay, my online quiz and discussion and my COMM 401 journal. I tried to nap but couldn’t and I am guessing that may be a good thing or I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

My Facebook countdown is happy to report that it is only:

4 days, 9 hours and 45 minutes until I'm headed to British Columbia.

Tomorrow I NEED to do the following:

Finish magazine cover
Write 3-5 page Geopolitical essay
Begin working on second draft of my freelance magazine article

Procrastination

I took Kelevra out for a walk but he didn’t seem too playful. He seems rather tired today. Normally he sleeps in his crate but the one in Christopher’s office is much smaller than the one at home so I’m letting him sprawl out on the floor. I got him to drink a bit and I poured water over his dry food like the vet tech said to do, he ate quite a bit so I am proud of him. I got him to play stick (he LOVES sticks) so hopefully he burned some energy and he’ll want to drink more soon. I just worry about him. I’ll walk him again in a bit.

I finished my Political Geography quiz. I only got a 70% on it this week which isn’t good. I guess I should learn my lesson for not doing the assigned reading first; it is just too dry of a read to get through.

Speaking of reading, I have 30 pages left to read in the book, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon. I must admit, for a genre that really isn’t my style, I have fallen in love with this book. The main character, Christopher (yes I know, awkward, especially page 36 where Haddon writes: For example, she once said, “You must never punch Sarah or hit her in any way, Christopher. Even if she hits you first.”) is absolutely brilliant. It is such a clever and witty book. I recommend it to everyone. It’s a fairly easy read as well which is perfect for busy lifestylers like myself.

So I am finished my essay that is due Monday afternoon. I went about 100 words over but I am sure my professor won’t mind. I had a bit of trouble writing my thesis topic but after that it was pretty much smooth sailing from there. I hate essay writing. I believe I must have missed that lecture in school growing up. As much as I love to write, I write creatively, definitely not essays. I was talking to Christopher about it last night and he said he would love to sit down and teach me… I wonder if he actually meant that… if he did, I’d be honored. He is a fantastic essay writer, I love reading his reports.

I have to finish up my online discussion and then I believe I am going to attempt to create my magazine cover that was due last week. I have my outline; I just don’t know how to use Adobe InDesign. My prof gave me an extension but I am sure that is only good until Tuesday morning.

I was talking to Christopher about student disability services on campus. When I was in hospital, my psychiatrist tried to talk me into going to my schools disability office and registering as a student with disabilities. She explained how my illness can play a huge role in my lack of energy and productivity to finish things on time. My current doctor agrees, but in my field, I can’t have special privileges. I feel I fall behind quite often, but I blame myself, not my illness. Yes I admit, each mood is different, some moods allow me to take on a proactive approach to school work, while other moods get me behind until I am in over my head, but the key is trying to find a balance right? Do I really need special treatment? To be honest, and I hate admitting this because I am definitely a mental health advocate, but I am slightly ashamed of my disorder. I feel like I am lazy, when I know in reality I can’t control that, I just feel that the people around me are right, it is my procrastinating and putting things out of mind that gets me into these predicaments. If only I could snap out of it, stop being the “bad” one and start doing everything I am told to do. People don’t realize that it is a huge struggle. I’ve worked damn hard to get to where I am right now. High school was a huge challenge for me, and then I dropped out of college after completing my first year. Now I am in a program that I enjoy but this year is discouraging and the urge to drop out is evident. Christopher is such a huge inspiration to me and he goes out of his way to encourage, help and support me.

Well, back to work I go… and no, this time I am not waiting in a 20 minute line to get Tim Hortons.

These beautiful roses are making me so happy. I can't wait until Christopher's back at our little bachelor pad (so he calls it teehee).

In London

I’m sitting in Christopher’s office at University of Western looking at the beautiful pink roses Christopher got me for our anniversary yesterday… I’m absolutely amazed at how wonderful he is being. I know things have been stressful for the both of us lately and we have taken our stresses out on each other which hasn’t been supportive on either of our parts but I’m glad we’re working through it.

I recently started a new medication. This isn’t something I wanted to do, and actually, it is still something I am rather anxious of. I haven’t had the best track record when it has come to medication; the most recent being an excessive amount of weight gain that has been virtually impossible to lose. I’ve been on this these new meds for over a week and it seems to be going well; the standard side effects (loss of appetite, increased anxiety, edginess, and so forth) have played a role but I think my mood has amplified. I’m definitely worried of mania playing a part in this, and usually I am a good judge of when my mood is becoming something resembling manic behavior, but with these meds, I just can’t be certain. I still feel low at times, but that is to be expected but I can honestly say the number of good days has definitely increased.

Christopher is gone for the day doing a course at EESA. I’m sad because I miss him but I am glad because I have a lot of work I need to catch up on. The only thing is, rather than doing work, I am blogging. I guess I just need to find my perfect place and begin working.

I thought Starbucks would help but for some reason, London Starbucks’ doesn’t taste right, at least not nearly as delicious as Toronto Starbucks’… I’ve had three since being here and all of which have sucked. Christopher and I have narrowed it down to it missing a pump or two of something… I guess next time I should just tell them how to make it since I know exactly how to make my perfect drink (5 or 6 pumps of chocolate, 2 pumps vanilla, half whole milk, half non-fat milk, stir, add a tiny bit of cinnamon and stir again and perfection!) Yes I am definitely a Venti, 1%, no whip, no foam hot chocolate kind of girl. It makes me happy.

Anyway, we took Kelevra to the vet last night and this morning we found out he has crystals in his urine, which means he is now on Amoxicillin for 10 days. The vet said he should be healthy enough to fly if we started his meds today (and we did) but we need to get him drinking plenty more water. The vet technician said a water fountain dish may help so I believe we’re going to pick one up tonight, as for today, I am going to try to give Kelevra plenty of exercise and make him one thirsty puppy ;) The vet also said his weight was normal, a lean dog is healthy, but I am still concerned. I would feel much better if he gained 3-5 pounds. I’m not sure if Christopher agrees with me or not. Perhaps I am just paranoid but all I can think about is Babu… and for my own peace of mind I would feel much more comfortable if he gained the little bit of extra weight. Right now he is at 53lbs; getting him to just under 60lbs isn’t an unrealistic expectation and won’t make him anywhere near “fat” so hopefully we’ll be able to accomplish a few pounds.

Time to work; well, after I get Tim Hortons at UCC. Bye!

Sometimes I wonder why I bother...

Christopher doesn’t want me to come to London tonight. He made a million plans for tomorrow that makes it sound like he’ll be more than a few minutes late picking me up at the bus terminal at 2:30 pm. I’m going to be pretty upset if he’s late; especially knowing we made plans in advance for 2:30. Usually he is late, and for the most part it can be blamed on his ADD but tomorrow, there’s no excuse… ADD or not… I don’t accept it. Over planning is simple, it equals being late. Hopefully he will surprise me and be on time.

We had an argument earlier. It has left a bit of a distaste in my mouth. I know relationships aren’t perfect but a lot of the time I feel as if I am the only one working at it.

I used to be in a relationship where I was clearly left on the back burner the majority of the time. I stayed in this relationship a lot longer than I should have, but my goal was to always please him, eagerly please him; therefore I never cared about myself or my happiness. I know this sounds rather odd, and trust me, I understand which is exactly why I have built these barriers for myself now.

So, although I want my partner (Christopher) to be happy, my happiness is also extremely important. I don’t want to strive to please if I am not getting anything in return. A relationship means trying on both parts.

I’m starting to worry that maybe Christopher’s ADD is getting in the way of our relationship. Sometimes I feel he can’t focus (this is an often occurrence, he may be physically there but he isn’t mentally there), other times it feels like he is ashamed, but there usually is something. I’ve done a lot of reading on adults with ADD and am trying to put things into perspective but wow is it ever hard. His parents have also put huge restrictions on us which make it that much harder. I know I love him and I know I want this relationship but times like these it makes me wonder why I try. I feel he doesn’t understand that I am willing to do anything in the world for him; just sometimes I need his love and support… I guess at times I can call it being taken for granted – who knows?

But I love him and I know he loves me so even though things are hard sometimes, he does make me happy and I want to make him happy.

Sorry about being so blah. I'm pretty down.

Stress Level = 10 on the 10 point scale

I’m waiting for a guy to show up at my place to exchange magazines with as a favour for Christopher. I’m annoyed because he said he would be here at 4:00 p.m. and I was hoping to sneak away to London tonight to see Christopher early. But it appears I’ll have to wait until tomorrow after all, unless of course I jump on a later bus and surprise him anyway. Not sure if he’ll appreciate my efforts though… he doesn’t seem too keen on me doing special things like that for him, at least it seemed that way while he was in LA.

I’m beginning to prepare for my trip to BC. I have a lot of work due next week, two essays, my magazine article second draft and the dreaded video project that I haven’t even started. I’m behind on a few assignments now as well.

This weekend (although I am going to London) is going to be spent catching up and getting a head on all of my work. I can’t let myself fall behind like this anymore, especially if I want to have free time to spend with Christopher, and soon enough, looking for a job. My main concern is my video project. My prof already seems to hate me enough as it is and I feel like I just can’t do a good enough job. Christopher keeps trying to help, and he is amazing, he comes up with all of these fantastic ideas but when it comes to cameras, I just can’t seem to do it. my interviewing skills turn to shit and I get nervous and overworked and my brain seems to shut down. Christopher says I am self sabotaging, which I agree 100% with, normally I am a fighter – a true hard worker, but when it comes to broadcast, I can’t stand it… something about it makes me want to melt, and give up. I hate camera, I hate broadcast scripts, I hate interviewing on camera, I hate the whole ordeal. Editing is okay but it is extremely time consuming. I’m super worried about that class… if I fail, I am fucked, but I can’t see myself succeeding, not when my main project worth 25% is due next week and I am sure I won’t be granted yet another miracle.

BC in 1 week!

I am beyond excited for Valentine’s Day next week!

This is my very first Valentine’s Day ever celebrating with someone special.

Christopher and I are leaving for British Columbia bright and early Valentine’s Day. Technically, I still have two days of school left before reading week but we thought it was important to have a memorable first Valentines together.

Our flight leaves Pearson at 7:00 a.m. which means we need to be at the airport just after 5:00 a.m. I’m really not looking forward to that but it means we’ll arrive in BC at 9:30 a.m. Pacific time which leaves the whole day to explore!

We plan to ski, travel a bit, perhaps drive down to Seattle… we haven’t made any definite plans but it all seems fun. We’re taking the puppy as well but I am making sure he is healthy enough to fly on Friday from his vet.

I'm off to London for the weekend. I need to get work done so I am going to camp out in Christopher's office at Western while he is off doing a training course in nearby Aylmer. I find I get more work done out of my house, less distractions... hopefully I will be able to complete everything in time to leave next week.

I am so excited

Update...

I’m sorry I haven’t posted lately. Christopher is finally home and I have been trying to spend every second I can with him. I’m so happy he is finally home. It feels like everything is complete again (although I know that really isn’t the case, we have so much to work on, but at least he is here to work on it together).

I started a new medication yesterday. My doctor warned it would leave me irritated and edgy and it certainly has. I feel extremely skittish. At times, stuck in time, as if time is not linear, time slows, speeds up, my mind stops, picks up pace, slows again… it’s a never ending cycle of constant movement. It can go from zero to 100 in seconds and I never know what to expect. I’m not enjoying the fluctuation. Sometimes I catch myself talking too much, other times I sit in silence and stare out the window. Now, this is not different behavior I am sure, it’s just, I can see everything as if it were taking place in slow motion.

The weather isn’t helping. It’s cold; I don’t actually own winter boots that were made for “winter”. The boots I own look sexy with skinny jeans… so they aren’t actually waterproof and Christopher and I spent 9 hours out and about yesterday, all the while my feet were becoming soaked, and by the end of the night, I felt like crap. I guess it is my own fault. Time to buy waterproof boots.

I am wishing I were somewhere warm. Warmth is a comfort. Maybe in a few weeks if Christopher and I decide to take a mini-vacation… who knows?

Until then, Christopher and I plan to pass the time by going ice skating. If you can’t escape the weather, why not embrace it? I bought figure skates from Canadian Tire last night. I am super excited. I haven’t gone skating since I was a kid. I remember my figuring skating class, I learned how to twirl. I’m hoping I can still skate, let alone twirling… but we’ll see. ;)

And, now it is time for Eggs Benedict! Bye!!