I Just Want to Jump

Alright so I’m sitting in my Computer Assisted Reporting and Research class and all I am doing is day dreaming about skydiving, and of course, blogging. Both of which are much better than paying attention to the CARR lecture. I am a horrible student.

I’ve been researching skydiving and it has me even more excited to begin jumping. I’m hoping to find more people who want to come along with me. The team is great but I want to continue jumping in the summer so the more the merrier. The problem is, it is costly. I should be posting skydiving photos on my deviantart eventually but right now they are on the Humber Skyhawk Facebook Group.

I found out bad news yesterday. Some of my photos are being used without my permission on paid websites. I guess a lawsuit could form out of it; I just don’t have the time to devote to fighting it. I just hate not being compensated for hard work.

I’m behind on my homework for this week. I was so busy on the weekend I didn’t have anytime to do it. So after my extremely busy day I get to spend the rest of my evening catching up and doing assignments for next week as well in order to keep my skydiving plans for this weekend. Fun.

Time for my Web design class.

Skydive Training Complete

I am done skydive training for my first solo jump!

Unfortunately, the weather didn’t hold out Saturday so all we got to do was train. The training was fun though because we learned by actually practicing (on the ground of course) how to exit the plane (door, left foot, left hand, right foot, butt out and chin up) and how to arch (arch000, 2000, 3000, 4000, 5000, check ‘chute, is it there and is it square?) we were trained how to steer our parachutes, the proper circuit to come in for landing (down wind, cross wind, into wind) and how to flare properly in order to land. The “what-if” portion was by far the scariest; for instance, what if the parachute doesn’t open and the reserve parachute fails as well? Answer – pray. Hahaha.

Seriously though, it looks extreme and absolutely amazing. I’m totally pumped for my first jump but I’m terrified my equipment will fail or I'll forget how to land.

So, the team went to the Skydive Toronto airfield in Cookstown both Saturday for training and back again today to actually complete our jump but the weather didn’t hold out long enough for us to get off the ground, so this weekend we didn’t get to jump so we’re heading back next weekend.

Oh and, I got perfect on the test. Go me! Lets just see me put that into a practical situation now.

If anyone is interested in coming skydiving with me in the future, let me know because I hope to go often.

Matthew Good Concert

Friday Night. Matthew Good at Massey Hall – probably the most intense, extraordinary concert I have ever been too and maybe will ever be at. With a completely sold out house, the acoustic show went perfectly swell. Matthew Good brings such a light to the stage. His voice, his guitar, the way the crowd was seemingly overtaken by the music and all of the comedic comments said during breaks between songs made the perfect evening. There were three standing ovations during the show and the look on Matt’s face was absolutely priceless.

The funny part was how he drank red wine between songs, and he mentioned he doesn’t drink before or after the show, just during the show. He had quite a few glasses.

He played for hours and I wished it would never end. Every song fit perfectly into set and just sitting there watching and listening was an honour for me.

This was the first time I have ever seen him in concert and hopefully won’t be the last.

One Step Closer to Trial

This entry is personal and is placed on this website for my personal record. Feel free to read it but just a warning.

Oh do I hate court or what.

It is constant hassles with absolutely no direction what-so-ever.

My anger and frustration is beginning to become more ubiquitous with the whole matter.

So, anyway, I show up at 9:30, waiting for my lawyer (who doesn’t show up until after I am finished in the court room) spoke with my diversion worker who had me speak with duty counsel who knows my case well enough. Diversion is going well, all it is really is a check-in see how I’m doing in life, taking meds (I said yes, truth is, no) whatever, blah. Figure out next court date, November 23, all is good with that. Where it goes wrong is, as I spoke with duty counsel, we discussed having my other two non-diverted charges become diverted, so while in court (without my actual lawyer because he seems to be rather absentminded and for the second court date in a row shows up late) so, with a brand new Crown who hasn’t heard my case, duty counsel takes a stab at trying to divert the charges, well the Crown counteracts saying she feels strongly that none of the charges should have been diverted and they are going ahead with trial.

Where it stands right now, I finish diversion on my two charges (probably beginning of the New Year) and we begin the pre-trial process. What is up in the air is whether it is staying in mental health court or if it is going to be tried in regular court. My lawyer, who showed up half an hour late, spoke to me about sitting down with the original Crown who accepted diversion on the two initial charges to see if we can convince him otherwise. That being said, it is very unlikely my two outstanding charges will be diverted. If it goes to regular court, it is very likely that it could result in a significant amount of jail time. I looked the offenses up in the 2007 Canadian Criminal Code and both carry a maximum of 10 years in jail. Pretty hefty punishment I’d think and my lawyer, as well as duty counsel are pretty convinced that it won’t pan out to be severe like that; spooked me out anyway.

I will be kept in the dark for another month wondering when my fate will be decided. Seriously, without any sort of intent to commit a crime, I shouldn’t even have a criminal record, but the court system doesn’t seem to be in my favour. I guess trial will be the time to prove my innocence; I just lack the time and effort to go through with it. The thought of going back to jail is the scariest part and sort of lingers in the back of my mind.

Till then, I’m trying to do everything I possibly can to enjoy life… which means, I am jumping out a plane tomorrow, woohoo!

Leafs Win!

My Dad came over to watch the Leaf game tonight.

Considering Pittsburg is quite the decent team, the Leafs actually kept up to speed with them. First period came off on a slow start as Pittsburg led with 1-0 when Crosby scored but the Leafs crept back to tie it up as Steen scored in the second period. What amazed me was how incredible Tlusty played taking into account it was his first NHL game; taking two goal scores in the third period just seconds apart from each other. Kaberle and Devereaux kept up our emotions with a goal each bringing it to 5-1 but Pittsburg didn’t stop there when Gonchar scored close to the end bringing the final score to 5-2. But I have to comment on the awesome job goalie, Toskala did as he showed his control by stopping 23 shots tonight.

“That’s what happens when we’re feeling good and we were feeling good tonight,” Toronto Maple Leaf head coach Paul Maurice said post-game. I would have to agree as this was clearly their best game of the season thus far.

Skydiving in 3 days!!

I am extremely excited. I am skydiving for the first time on Saturday. And, my editors are allowing me to write a feature article about the whole experience.

I’ve wanted to skydive ever since I can remember. The thing is, although I am sure while it is happening, I will be nervous, as of right now, I am not fearing about the jump at all! I’ve been quite the risk taker my whole life so to finally have the opportunity to accomplish this goal is quite amazing.

I unfortunately don’t know anyone who is going but the Humber Sky Hawks (my college’s team) is super pumped so I assume I’ll meet some like-minded students at the event.

I’ll be sure to blog about falling out of the sky once I am home.

I'm Missing It...

I’m really hitting a writer’s block. My goal was to finish my memoir before the end of the year, and now I feel like I am stuck at zero. I began writing it last December and from there had to erase it and begin all over about a dozen times because events changing and so forth. But now, I just sit and stare at my computer screen forever wishing it could pour out… and as I wait for it… nothing comes. I am having serious difficulties. I so desperately need to ground myself, focus myself, concentrate better.

I am at a loss. Overall I guess I am in a funk, I don’t know where to find myself. I am tired of being lost; I need the secret cure to pick myself up yet again. I feel so small, so weak right now. I am trapped in a little room that is about to cave in if I can’t escape. I know I am not breaking down, but I don’t know where to begin trying to recreate who I used to be, or maybe create who I want to become.

I’m glad I can recognize that I am down. I am glad that I can cry and not worry about it. I am glad that I can still feel and get pleasure from simple, rather mundane, activities. I am very cautious about trailing down the path from before. Right now it is hard… I’ve lost a lot of my loved ones, not in death, just in general, the anniversary of Babu’s death is in a few weeks and it has me completely heartbroken and the added pressure of school is arduous.

To say the least; I am exhausted.

I just need to write. That is the one thing that gets me through and makes everything okay.

Voice Over Assignment = Complete!

My very first camera broadcast assignment is complete! It took me roughly 4 hours to edit my 10 minutes worth of footage while writing my script to the pictures I shot. I was at the college until 10:00 p.m. last night finishing it up but it was definitely a party in the catacombs of the school! Sean, Jeff, Anne and I spent hours in the editing suites trying to figure out Final Cut Pro. So, the 43 second news story is worth 15% and although I believe it is a decent first try, I’ll probably do horrible on it. Hahaha. My teacher is a hard marker so we shall see.

Also completed my first radio assignment. It’s fun but I think I am going to stick to print, for some odd reason when it comes to conversational English; I’m just not up to par.

Print, magazine, online news and photography is my game, what’s yours? *wink*

Am I Crashing?

Lately I have been feeling really objectionable about things. It’s hard to explain besides saying I am emotionally exhausted. I mean, more than just a tired feeling, almost to the point where I feel like quitting the paper because it is becoming too much. And, I thought it was just me, the lack of sleep, the vast amount of homework and the paper just sucking any life out of me. But then I learned through other people in my program that they feel the same way. I know it isn’t anything like last year, the break down, the utter emptiness, and the isolation that kept me restrained for much too long so I’m glad I don’t feel like that again. But considering I am off meds, yet still dealing with bullshit from court and so forth, I think it is a good sign that although I’m exhausted, I am still able to enjoy life. I know I love school; there is absolutely no question in that. I am just tired. Part of it is probably going from 0 to 100 in days and now looking back, thinking, how on earth did I do that? I am a trooper but I am really tired.

I wish there were a way I could schedule better, make more use out of my down time. I need to venture out more but with school and the paper being incredibly overwhelming, any down time I have I just feel like I need to catch up on rest. It doesn’t help that most of my friends live outside of Toronto and the ones that live here seem too busy to do anything as well. Even my photography is starting to lack; I haven’t had anything decent to post in forever.

I know I am okay but I need to prevent myself from crashing; from burning out.

My 100th post, dedicated to someone I love dearly.

I spoke with Michael for a few minutes this morning.

Today is his final day working with Fanshawe. It’s hard to believe that I’ve known him for going on five years, he’s worked there since I met him, actually well before I met him, and now, not only is he moving on to newer and better things, he is going to be selling his house… a house that we’ve shared plenty of memories in.

But, I have to admit, after Fanshawe canceled the Tech Theatre program and he moved to Fine Arts, I saw a decrease in happiness and energy, so now he is going to be back working in tech theatre in Brantford, I’m hoping he can find the happiness he deserves so very much.

So today, I went and researched the theatre he’ll be technical director in and when I saw his name already up on the website, all I could do was smile. I am so proud of him.

Congratulations, Michael. I know you’ll do great there. I really am so proud of you.

Remember to smile lots.

In bed and loving it

It’s early. Of course I can’t sleep in during my day off. That would be too luxurious. I’m still in bed though so I guess that counts as something.

Today = finishing homework, baking cookies and maybe going to Starbucks.

It is raining. I have the house to myself all day and evening. Woohoo.

At School

Alright, so I am back in the game. I went to bed early last night and slept in this morning. I managed to make it to class only an hour late and hung out for the rest of the time on facebook. Trust me; Magazine Writing is one boring class.

I’ve almost finished shooting footage for my news assignment due next week. Monday is going to be hectic with three classes, an editorial meeting at 1:30 and editing my broadcast footage from 5pm till 10pm. Although I am a procrastinator, hopefully it goes well so I don’t have to rush trying to do it last minute.

My mood is back up. I was right; it was just the lack of sleep. Michael never called (he said he would tonight but he has been saying that for like 2 weeks now). Besides homework, not much is going on this weekend.

Exhausted

It’s been sort of a down day today. I think it may just be the lack of sleep and crappy weather. I didn’t even stay at the school to attend the sky diving meeting. I just wanted to be at home.

I had the shittiest editing workshop this morning with a guy who kept saying “clicka on the clippa” and it drove me insane.

Then, trying to satisfy my TV Production teacher went around the school with a camera shooting stupid computers for an assignment due next week.

I think as it stands right now, I am just exhausted. I am tired of school and wish I was having a little more fun outside the classroom.

This weekend I might go to Canada’s Wonderland with a few people from class. Hopefully it works out so I can go.

Michael said he'd call but he probably won't. So, I am going to bed early tonight.

Computer Problems - Again...

Computer issues are starting to become a part of my daily life. I took my laptop in to be fixed right before school started because it kept shutting off, now it keeps doing it almost to the point where I can’t use my computer to do the simplest of things. And to boot, my router keeps glitching so I have to keep resetting it for it to work. So, I think I finally got my ‘net happy for the next little while, but as for my computer, it isn’t so happy. I do believe a trip to Geek Squad is in store sometime within the next day or two but the horrible thing about it is, I will be without a computer for quite a while because of it. So now, I might risk not being able to complete my assignments and articles. Hopefully not.

Babies, babies everywhere!!!

I met Chase today. Oh my goodness is he ever cute and so tiny. Jeremy and I got him a cute little Baby Einstein caterpillar rattle and an amazingly soft fuzzy baby blanket and a few other things. He was sleeping most of the time I held him, but occasionally he would open his eyes and look at me, then right back to sleep. Babies are priceless.

I can’t believe how many of my friends have children (or will be having children very soon). I think I am one of the last ones without children, besides the people in my program at school. I guess we’re starting to hit that age… wow, I can’t believe the years went by that fast.

Here I am, completely alone with almost no direction in life… and I am surrounded by these amazing people who have begun their families and are settling into their adult lives. Hmm, either I need to rethink things, or I am destined to one hell of a boring life. Someone help me.

Cold and Bored

Despite having a really bummed out week (especially Wednesday, I had a major melt down because I had a 100 things to do and nothing turned out right, expect ending my night covering elections, that seemed to go as planned) but the truth of the matter, even though I was down for a bit, and now getting over a cold, I am still coasting. And trust me, I don’t mean that in a bad way. My moods are really leveling out, and things, even though annoying, are looking up and I am enjoying every second of my new found happiness. Now if Michael would only call when he promised me he would, then I wouldn’t have anything to be upset about.

Being the middle of October it is beginning to be really cold. I guess it isn’t half as bad as when I lived in Sudbury and it snowed the first week of October and didn’t let up until I moved to Toronto in April; but still, I am sitting here under three blankets, a sheet and wearing Care Bear PJ’s and I’m freezing. I am relieved that I don’t live in the house I did last year though, upstairs controlled the heat, yet I paid for it, so it was extremely hot all of the time and on my dime… I paid a pretty penny. And when I would go upstairs and turn it down, the tenants would call the landlord and bitch about me and I would get yelled at even though gas and hydro were in my name. Funny. So, although in this apartment I still don’t get to control the heat, and now it is freaking cold, I don’t pay hydro so I can afford getting a space heater. Yay.

I’m bored. It is awkward being bored since it is already half way through the semester and I haven’t had the chance to stop once. I still have plenty of homework but yesterday I did a couple assignments and today there is only two I have to worry about, which shouldn’t take long at all. I didn’t want to do much of anything this weekend because of my cold, the more rest the better because being sick just isn’t permitted in my line of work lol. There is no time! Luckily, it happened on a weekend.

I’m beginning to count down the days until Nicole comes over. She is coming for the Matt Good concert on the 26^th but she has never visited me in Toronto yet (even though I have lived here for going on two years!).

Awful Cold

I woke up with a bad cold.

I’ve been taking plenty of Vitamin C and Advil Cold and Sinus but I need something more. I was researching ways to bust the cold fast but it seems there are no secret quick remedies besides waiting it out.

I know, rest and drinking liquids is important. Only thing, I tend to always forget to drink (it’s horrible I know, I get so dehydrated because of it) but I am trying. I took a hot shower and the steam seemed to help a lot.

I enjoy laying around but I still have an article to write that I am now behind on because I was unable to do the interviews I needed to conduct today. I guess I won’t be getting published.

I'm thinking about getting a flu shot this year. I can't risk being down and out for long periods of time.

An Election Recap

I’m sad to report the Liberals won in my riding with 49% of the vote. Although I am glad McGuinty is still Premier rather than Tory, I am not a fan of the Liberals; yet.

For the second election in a row, Dalton McGuinty with the Liberals, won a majority government with 71 seats out of 107.

It is still hard to believe John Tory was defeated in his own riding, Don Valley West by Liberal Education Minister, Kathleen Wynne. So much for being the leader of the Conservatives in Ontario, that is rather disappointing but Tory hopes he will continue on. I guess we shall see.

While doing research earlier I stumbled upon a statistic that angers me, according to Elections Ontario this morning, only 52.6% of the legal population voted this election. How awful is that? We have this absolutely brilliant democratic nation and have the ability to vote freely, yet few care enough to bother to do so. With polling stations located every few blocks, the means to vote is readily available. But, like I said last night, I strongly believe it would make it easier for people to vote if you could vote at any polling station across your specific riding. Limiting your voting location just stops people from wanting to vote because it is too inconvenient.

As well as the provincial election, Ontarians voted against a proposed electoral reform. If voted in, provincial legislators would have been chosen based on a party’s share of the popular vote. But, no mixed member proportional (MMP) for us this time around.

Tired but Still Learning

My magazine presentation went well. My extremely monotone professor actually said I did a good job in selling my magazine (Wish) to the class. That’s a first; normally he only shares negative feedback.

I am still in class so this will be short. We are discussing Maclean’s Magazine; unfortunately I am only half paying attention. It is a good magazine though; my roomie and I are subscribers.

I’m anticipating the paper to come out. I worked hard on this issue. I’m tired, slept for a few hours off and on. I waited for Michael to call and he never did; I’m slowly becoming infuriated with him doing that, it might involve some words later on in the day.

Anyway. good thing for caffeine, only bad thing is, there is no Tim Horton’s on campus so I am stuck drinking Java Jazz crap. Better than nothing I guess!

Exciting news for today: Joy is having her baby today (depending on how her labor goes the baby might be here today or tomorrow), congratulations!! Welcome to the world, Chase.

Election Results

The election is finally over!!

I’ve been covering the election for the Etobicoke-Lakeshore (not where I live) riding for my college’s Lakeshore campus (despite not going there myself) for over three weeks. It’s been long, draining and now, after midnight, just got home from the newsroom, paper is heading to the printer with my coverage of Liberal incumbent Laurel Broten’s victory and I am exhausted.

I have to be up in 5 hours to make a presentation in Magazine class at 8:00 a.m. And, I’m not completely finished it because I have been too busy with election stuff. It’ll be great to see it in print tomorrow morning.

Although I am tired, it has been great. It’s definitely a fantastic portfolio piece and hopefully people will have a chance to check out my work in tomorrow’s paper. If you attend Humber, pick up an Et Cetera, check it out, leave me some feedback if you wish.

Haven’t had the chance to check who won in my riding yet. Voting went okay although I went to the wrong polling station and they had to direct me to another one because of my address. I do believe that system is pathetic. You should clearly be able to vote at any polling station in your riding, no matter what your street address is.

That is all for tonight. Time to sleep for a couple hours. Zzzzzz.

I'm voting, are you?

Tomorrow is the Ontario Provincial Election.

Over the past few weeks I have been covering the election for the Humber Et Cetera. Although I am not particularly interested in provincial politics, it is still an interesting year to vote. With the referendum happening as well as some big party platforms, we voters have a lot to think about before going to the polls.

I was speaking with students at my college about whether or not they should vote and it got me thinking. Why would people not want to vote? We have a right to choose who we believe would do the best in representing us as a whole and by not voting, you give up your power to choose. Because of our democratic nation, we have options. Imagine living in a country where you had absolutely no say; how would you feel then?

Don’t let others speak for you. Vote. It’s a powerful thing.

~Politics is the art of controlling your environment.~ Hunter S. Thompson

J-School is Always the Theme

There are definitely a million things I am horribly behind on. I hate it. I guess technically speaking, I am not “behind” on anything, it just feels like the work is piling up and I can’t keep up. I always get things done and handed in on time, I’m one to follow deadlines (Michael used to drill that into my head) but with all of the work, I don’t know if I can keep up for much longer.

I am glad my mood is staying afloat. It is really helping me get through this semester. And compared to last semester, I actually attend classes and love it! Woohoo. This is so exciting. You wouldn’t think that happiness is taken for granted, but oh, it really is.

At least I have things to look forward to at the end of the month, and Halloween is my favourite holiday.

By the way, Reign Over Me came out today. Watch it. It’s rather amazing. Adam Sandler is fantastic.

Turkey is yummy

I’m back from Niagara and heading to Georgetown later on for Thanksgiving #2 at my roommate’s parents place.

Niagara was actually a lot better than what I thought it was going to be. I got to see Nicole and Jasemine. Codee stayed home with his Grandma so unfortunately I didn’t get to see him this trip. But it was amazing to see how much Jasemine has grown. She is so long but still so little. I held her for awhile, enjoyed having her throw up on me a couple of times and got to feed her. Babies are absolutely precious. Just holding Jasemine makes me think of having one myself…. but…. maybe not. Lol. At least not for quite some time, I have many years to think about that one!

My parents are great. I beat my Mom and my brother in Monopoly twice. I’m still the champ, I go undefeated. I’m bound to lose sometime though.

Turkey was fantastic. My Mom has always been able to cook an awesome Thanksgiving dinner.

I still haven’t gotten any homework done, so I might be busy tomorrow with just work. At least with two turkey dinners and turkey leftover, I can say it was worth it. Teehee.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Thanksgiving.

To Niagara!

So I’m going away for a couple of days. I wish it was somewhere more exciting than Niagara but it will be good to get out of town for awhile. You know when you just need to escape? That is how I feel. I am up to my ears in work and with the lack of any type of social life; it is beginning to bother me. I love school. I’m definitely not complaining but I wish I could get out more. I think, after I jump this hurdle, I am going to have to plan a day a week where it’s just whatever I want to do, that way I can relax and enjoy life. Maybe Saturday’s, that sounds like the perfect day.

I am hoping I can see Nicole and the babies this weekend. I missed out on Jasemine’s baby shower because of school, so it would be amazing to see Jasemine again. I can’t believe I watched her being born… I still feel honored; it was such a beautiful thing.

Michael got a new job!! I am thrilled for him! Back to theatre he goes so hopefully he’ll cheer up a bit despite the hectic schedule he’ll be back working. I think this will bring him great things. Of anyone I know, he deserves the most happiness, he’s an incredible person. Good luck, Michael!! I love you!

Court is sneaking up on me. At least that night I get to cheer up with a Matthew Good concert. I still don’t know who I am bringing so if anyone wants to go just let me know. It’s at Massy Hall.

Busy as a Bee

My election story went well apparently, it will be great to see it in print and I will post a copy of it on my journalism blog Thursday night. The next few weeks will be my busiest because of the election happening as well as Thanksgiving. I have plenty of homework to do as well.

I found out a few of my plans for the end of the month. I am incredibly excited but I need to overcome my shyness and learn how to walk in heels for long periods of time in a matter of weeks. Eek.

Nothing horribly exciting to report today just thought I’d post a little something.

I’m heading to bed early because I was up really late talking to Michael on the phone.